Before any conversation about things like race, sexual orientation, classism or sexism begins, remember to do your homework. Becoming genuinely interested in learning about the experiences of people from different backgrounds, races, with different abilities, from different countries or who practice different religions will come through authentically in the conversation. And, remember, when it comes to how to have these discussions, there is no right answer, or one size fits all answer for all situations.
Other things to keep in mind before you begin the conversation:
Now that you are ready, remember this: The conversation itself should always be in-person, never by email or in writing. Why? Because tone matters.
Try starting the conversation by letting the person know you want to learn about ______, or understand ______, or you want to explain why you have a particular opinion, or position on a topic, or that you think it’s really important to have a conversation about ______, and why.
It may help if you ask for the person’s permission to have the conversation. You don’t necessarily need permission – it just helps to have the other person's buy-in and will likely result in a more engaging conversation. It may also be appropriate to tell the other person you are not trying to make them feel uncomfortable, but you think it's important to have the conversation, and you hope they are okay with that.
During the conversation try to:
Understand that personal opinions and perspectives are influenced by many things including upbringing, community, family, and other experiences and factors. It may take multiple conversations, and an ongoing dialogue to make progress on an issue, but, progress can be measured in many different ways! Praise your attempt to enter into the conversation and talk about the difficult subject. These conversations can be challenging, awkward, sensitive, uncomfortable, but they can also result in your becoming a better person, and finding a new friend. Be courageous, be brave – the end result is usually worth it.
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